Journal · Glossary
BDSM terms explained: a femdom glossary
BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism: consensual adult practices built on an agreed exchange of power. Femdom is the part of that world in which a woman holds the power. This BDSM glossary defines the words you will meet most often when you read about femdom or write to a professional dominatrix, as I use them in my own practice in London.
The essentials
What do the basic BDSM and femdom terms mean?
The basic vocabulary of BDSM describes who holds power, who yields it and the setting in which they meet.
- BDSM: an umbrella term for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism, always between consenting adults.
- Femdom: female domination, a dynamic in which a woman takes the dominant role and her partner submits.
- Dominatrix: a woman who takes the dominant role. A professional dominatrix, often shortened to pro-domme, does so as her profession, by appointment and for a tribute.
- Mistress: the title by which a submissive addresses a dominant woman. With me, you address me as Mistress unless I instruct otherwise.
- Domme: a short, informal word for a dominant woman.
- Submissive (sub): the person who yields control, within limits agreed in advance.
- Switch: someone who enjoys both the dominant and the submissive role.
- Power exchange: the consensual transfer of control from one person to another for an agreed time. Its shorthand is D/s.
- Vanilla: anything conventional, outside kink.
- Session: the time booked with a professional dominatrix. Within it, a scene is the play itself.
One distinction matters above all: a professional dominatrix offers BDSM, not sex. My craft is dominance, psychology, ritual and power, and there are no sexual services of any kind in my sessions.
Safety & consent
What do the words of safety and consent mean?
Safety terms describe how consent is agreed before a session, signalled during it and honoured after it.
- Consent: a clear, informed and freely given yes from an adult, which can be withdrawn at any moment.
- Negotiation: the conversation, before a session, in which interests, limits and health are agreed.
- Hard limit: something that will not happen, and that I will not test.
- Soft limit: something you hesitate over, which may be approached slowly, or not at all, depending on how you respond on the day.
- Safeword: a word agreed in advance that stops everything immediately, with no questions and no consequences.
- Traffic-light system: amber to slow down, red to stop. Nothing resumes until we have spoken.
- Non-verbal signal: a gesture agreed in advance, used whenever speaking is difficult, for example beneath me or in restraint.
- SSC and RACK: two community frameworks. SSC means safe, sane and consensual; RACK means risk-aware consensual kink.
- Aftercare: the calm return after a session, with grounding conversation, reassurance and time to decompress.
- Sub drop: the tiredness or unexpected emotion that can follow an intense session, sometimes a day or two later. It is common and passes with rest.
My guide to your first session explains how limits, safewords and aftercare work in practice, step by step.
Practices
What are the main femdom practices called?
Each femdom practice has its own name, and using the right one lets you describe your interests precisely and courteously.
Feminisation
Feminisation is the transformation of a submissive into a feminine presentation: lingerie, heels, make-up, posture and manners. Sissy training is its structured side, taught and corrected. A sissy maid adds domestic service in uniform. Forced feminisation is a scenario in which the transformation is decided for you, within limits agreed beforehand. All three are described on my page about sissy training and feminisation in London.
Chastity
Chastity means wearing a locking device that removes control of your desire. The keyholder holds the key and decides when it is returned. Denial is the discipline of waiting, and long-distance keyholding extends that control beyond the session. See chastity and keyholding.
Bondage
Bondage is restraint by rope, leather, cuffs or wrapping. Shibari is the Japanese art of rope bondage. Mummification wraps the body completely, and sensory deprivation removes sight, sound or touch to sharpen everything that remains. See bondage and sensory deprivation.
Discipline
Corporal punishment, often shortened to CP, is discipline delivered by hand, paddle, strap, crop or cane. Caning is its strictest form, and a strict governess is the classic role that administers it. See corporal punishment and caning.
Other terms you will meet
- Face-sitting: a ritual of worship and surrender in which the submissive lies beneath the dominant.
- Worship: devoted attention to the dominant’s feet, legs, boots or shoes.
- Humiliation: play with embarrassment or degradation, verbal or psychological, always within agreed limits.
- Water sports and hard sports: play involving urine and scat respectively, offered only within negotiated limits.
- Findom: financial domination, in which control is exercised through money and gifts.
- Double-Domme session: a session led by two dominant women together.
Protocol
What do protocol and ritual mean in a session?
Protocol is the set of rules that governs how a submissive behaves, and ritual is the repeated form those rules take.
- Protocol: how you address me, where you look, when you speak and how you wait.
- Ritual: a sequence repeated until it carries meaning: a curtsey, a locking, a presentation of tribute.
- Position: a posture you are taught to hold on command, such as kneeling or waiting in silence.
- Inspection: a close examination of your presentation, posture or work, with corrections for every slip.
- Task: an instruction to be carried out to my standard, during a session or between sessions.
- Objectification: being used as furniture, an ornament or a utility.
- Roleplay: a scenario with defined roles and power structures, such as the strict governess.
Protocol is not decoration. It turns intention into conduct, and in my sessions it is often where the most intense moments happen.
Booking
What do tribute, deposit and screening mean?
Tribute is the word professional dominatrices use for the fee of a session; a deposit secures the date, and screening confirms compatibility before a first meeting.
- Tribute: an acknowledgement of time, preparation and skill, never negotiated. Mine is £250 for one hour, £375 for an hour and a half, £500 for two hours and £700 for three hours.
- Deposit: a payment that secures your date once your request is accepted. Mine is non-refundable, though it may be transferable with at least 48 hours’ notice.
- Screening: for first-time clients, a short telephone or Zoom conversation after the deposit, to confirm compatibility. It is not for negotiating.
- Etiquette: the standards of approach and conduct a dominatrix expects, from your first message to your departure.
- Extended session and overnight: longer experiences discussed beforehand, for compatible clients.
The full protocol is set out in my booking etiquette.
In practice
Which terms should you use when you write to a dominatrix?
Use the plain names of the practices that draw you, state your experience honestly and list your limits; leave the narrative to the session.
A good first message reads like a clear brief, not a script. “Feminisation, beginner, no marks” tells me more than a page of fantasy, and it tells me you have read. Nobody expects you to know every word on this page: if you are unsure of a term, describe what you feel instead. Write through the booking form, which asks for your interests, your experience level and your limits in turn.
Questions
Glossary questions
What is the difference between a dominatrix and a mistress?
A dominatrix is a woman who takes the dominant role, often professionally. Mistress is the title her submissive uses to address her. In practice, a professional dominatrix is usually addressed as Mistress.
What does femdom mean?
Femdom means female domination: a consensual dynamic in which a woman holds the power and her partner submits. It covers many practices, from feminisation and chastity to bondage and discipline, and every session I offer in London is a femdom session.
What is the proper term for femdom?
Femdom, short for female domination, is the accepted term for the dynamic itself. The woman in charge is called a dominatrix, a domme or, when addressed, Mistress; her partner is the submissive, or sub. FLR (female-led relationship) describes the same power exchange lived as a lifestyle rather than in sessions.
What is a safeword in BDSM?
A safeword is a word agreed before a session that stops everything immediately, without questions or consequences. Where speaking may be difficult, a non-verbal signal is agreed as well.
Is a session with a professional dominatrix sexual?
Not with me. I offer professional BDSM built on psychology, ritual and power exchange. There is no intercourse, no oral sex and no kissing, and any attempt to cross that line ends the session immediately.
Continue
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Begin
Now you have the words
Read my booking etiquette, then write to me through the booking form with your experience, interests and limits, in your own plain words.