Journal · Etiquette
How to approach a dominatrix: your first message
To approach a dominatrix, write a short, courteous first message that introduces you, names the session you would like, and gives your experience, limits and preferred dates. It should also show that you have read her rules. With me, that message goes through the booking form, and its quality decides whether we proceed. Here is how to approach a dominatrix well: what to include, what to leave out and what happens after you press send.
Your first message
What should a first message to a dominatrix include?
A first message to a dominatrix should include who you are, what you would like, how experienced you are, your limits and health, and when you are free.
My booking form asks for exactly these things, in this order. Each field has a reason:
- Your name, email and phone number, so that I can reply and, later, arrange the screening call.
- Your preferred dates. I see clients Monday to Friday, by appointment; offering more than one date helps.
- The length of session you have in mind: one hour (£250), an hour and a half (£375), two hours (£500), three hours (£700), or an extended or overnight experience to discuss.
- Your interests and the type of session you seek: what draws you to my world, in plain words.
- Your experience level: curious and new, some experience, experienced submissive or very experienced.
- Your limits and medical considerations: what must never happen, and anything about your health I should know.
- Confirmation that you have read my booking etiquette and understand that a deposit secures any session.
An example
This is the shape of a request I am glad to receive. The details are invented; the clarity is the point:
Good afternoon, Mistress. I would like to request a first session of an hour and a half on a weekday afternoon, ideally in the second half of November. I am new to BDSM. Feminisation has interested me for many years and I would like to begin gently. My limits are anything that leaves marks and any public element. I have mild asthma and carry an inhaler. I have read your booking etiquette and understand that a deposit secures the date.
Restraint
What should you leave out of your message?
Leave out anything explicit, anything demanding and anything the site already answers: these are the messages that go unanswered.
- Explicit descriptions and long fantasy scripts. Name what draws you; the scene itself is mine to design.
- Demands, deadlines or a tone that tells me what will happen. You are requesting, not ordering.
- Any attempt to negotiate the tribute. My rates are firm and are not discussed.
- Requests for sexual services. I offer professional BDSM, not escort work, and there are none.
- Questions the site already answers. Read my booking etiquette and the page of the session you want before you write.
- Phone calls out of the blue. WhatsApp is for messages only, and unarranged calls are not answered.
If you have a question the site does not answer, include it, thoughtfully, in your first message.
Channels
Should you use the form, email or WhatsApp?
The booking form on my contact page is the best way to approach me, because it asks for everything I need in one message.
Email and WhatsApp messages are also read, and the contact page lists both. Whichever you choose, the content is the same: introduction, interests, experience, limits, dates. A message that would be ignored on the form will be ignored on WhatsApp too.
Short-notice requests
Same-day or short-notice sessions are occasionally possible, depending on my schedule. To ask, write by email or WhatsApp and put “SHORT NOTICE REQUEST” in the subject line, so that your message is seen and considered with care.
Your interests
How should you describe what you want?
Describe your interests plainly, with their usual names, and say why they draw you rather than scripting the session.
You do not need the perfect vocabulary; my BDSM and femdom glossary defines the terms you are most likely to need. What helps me most is the feeling behind a request: whether you want to be guided gently or held to strict standards, whether ritual or intensity matters more, and what has stayed with you from any experience you have had.
Each of my BDSM sessions in London has its own page. Name the one, or the combination, that interests you; many clients combine two, and longer bookings leave room to do so without rushing either.
Above all, be truthful. Honesty about your limits, health and experience lets me shape a session that is safe and intense; deception in these areas is not tolerated.
What happens next
What happens after you send your request?
If your request is accepted, you receive the next step in writing: a deposit to secure the date, then, for a first session, a short screening call.
Acceptance
I reply to requests that are clear, courteous and compatible. Selectiveness is part of my practice: not everyone is accepted.
Deposit
A deposit, by bank transfer or a secure platform such as Tipfunder, secures the date. It is non-refundable, though transferable with at least 48 hours’ notice.
Screening call
First-time clients then speak with me briefly by telephone or Zoom. The call confirms compatibility; it is not for booking or negotiating.
Your session
You arrive at the suite I confirm, at the penthouse at Tower Bridge or in Bayswater, with the remaining tribute in an envelope.
Silence
Why might a request receive no reply?
A request receives no reply when it is vague, explicit or demanding, or when it shows that the site has not been read.
The way you approach me is the first test of compatibility. A one-line “are you free tonight?”, a message that haggles, or a list of questions my booking etiquette already answers tells me everything I need to know before we have met. Those who are thoughtful, respectful and prepared find the process seamless.
If you are unsure whether you are ready to write at all, begin with your first session: it describes, step by step, what happens from that first message to aftercare.
Your desire is welcome. Your respect is required.
Questions
Questions about approaching me
How long should a first message to a dominatrix be?
Long enough to answer each question of the booking form, short enough to read in a minute or two. Clarity matters far more than length.
Do I need experience to approach a dominatrix?
No. “Curious / new to this” is one of the experience levels on my booking form, and many people who write to me are entirely new. What I need is honesty, not expertise.
Can I ask questions before I book?
Yes, if the site does not already answer them. Include them thoughtfully in your first message; repetitive questions that the site clearly answers reveal a lack of attention.
Can I negotiate the tribute?
No. My tribute is £250 for one hour, £375 for an hour and a half, £500 for two hours and £700 for three hours, and it is not negotiable. Certain preferences may carry an additional tribute, as my booking etiquette explains.
Begin
Write to me with intention
You know what to include and what to leave out. Open the booking form and introduce yourself with clarity and courtesy.